Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Lately I've been contemplating how I relate to the concept of Power. I'm rather comfortable with feeling "empowered" or finding an idea or another person's actions "powerful," but I've been hiding from Power with a capital P. It feels too big, too scary, too unwieldy. I now realize that for most of my life I have tried to remain small, unnoticed. Somehow over the years I've conflated humbleness with smallness. In an attempt to remain humble I've kept myself on the sidelines, in the back room, and behind the theater curtains. When I was a teenager, I even became physically smaller as I played that terrible game of girl-against-food.
I think I'm noticing this trend toward smallness because for the first time in my life I am confronted with my potential to influence others. I feel bigger somehow. In essence, I am looking at my own power in the eye and I'm not quite sure what to do. This staring match has me a bit unnerved, but I am trying to be open to whatever this Power with a capital P has to teach me. Perhaps it's time for me to take up a bit more space. Pull back my shoulders, take long strides, speak loudly. Perhaps it's time for me to unfurl that little meek girl inside me and show her the big, wide world.